I'm not so sure that's always the case.
About a month ago I agreed to go down to the police station for a video interview and photo lineup due to an incident that occurred a couple months prior. I was stressed out and in the middle of a major depressive episode. I found myself spiralling out of control and wasn't able to pause before I found myself tweeting amidst a full-on panic attack. I have some great pals on Twitter and they were all so supportive. I'm grateful to each one of them for reaching out, but what I did was not cool.
Clearly I was feeling desperate and ungrounded, and I have compassion for that, but was it really helpful to put that information out there? No, it really wasn't. Not for me or anyone else. The thread has been deleted, but how many people read it and were upset or triggered?
There is no shame in suffering, of course. It's unfortunately part of what connects us because it can't be avoided, but to what degree is it healthy to share our suffering with others? I don't have an answer, nor do I expect anyone else to, but it is a question worth considering.
I mean, how often do we throw words out there without thinking about how it impacts others and also ourselves? Does complaining about having a bad day actually improve your day? Just a thought. And, believe me, I am in no way putting myself above anyone else here. Clearly I do this too. I'm just trying to figure out how best to share experiences and feelings, especially on social media.
I'm sure you're well aware that I'm not with the positivity police. In fact, I can be a whiny curmudgeon who spends a lot of time watching true crime documentaries and reading terrifying and/or sad accounts of trauma. But I'm also the kind of person who finds humour in just about everything. It's what gets me through and makes tough times less difficult. Like, I can't stop laughing at the fact that the police have a video of me making jerkoff gestures. It's fucking hilarious and is probably the best thing I've taken away from the experience so far.
So I guess the point of sharing this is just to say that I want to lighten things up a bit and have more of a healthy balance. Obviously everything can't be sunshine lollipops and rainbows, but it doesn't hurt to try and even the scales. I want to focus on the things I enjoy a bit more. Lately I've struggled remembering what those things are, but it's worth taking the time to rediscover. So that's what I'll be focusing on for the next while. I've already been revisiting some of my favourite movies and shows, and I haven't read a book in a while, so I'll probably do that too. I'd also like to spend more time in nature and less time on my phone and work on reconnecting with myself and others.
That sounds like a lot. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed. Haha. I actually feel pretty good about this, and I've reached out to my counsellor so I will have her support again in a while. It's incredible how taking the first steps, no matter how small, can make a huge difference.
Speaking of...thanks so much for taking the time to read this. It may seem like a small thing, but it means a great deal to me.
8/26/2019 05:56:36 pm
Excellent post as always, KR. I wouldn't beat myself up too much about it. You were just reacting in a natural way. I'd have probably done the same...life is frickin' algebra, and I suck at math!
8/27/2019 05:35:25 pm
Hah! Thanks, Randy.
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply.
I'm finally doing it--pulling my insides out and splattering them around for all to see. Here we go!