The truth is not out there, it is in here.
Not necessarily inside of this crab (sorry, I've been spending lots of time scavenging around beaches) but most definitely inside. I'm not so sure what the truth of that first picture is, though I imagine a bird flew by right as I snapped the photo. I didn't see it when I took the picture, as the sun was blaring. I was just trying to capture that beautiful man standing atop the cliff, taking in the view.
Speaking of taking in views, as previously mentioned, I've been spending a great deal of time in nature. In turn, I've been spending less time on social media and on the internet in general. And let me tell you something, it is the best thing I have done for myself in a long time.
While I am grateful for platforms like Twitter and Instagram, where I can share pictures and thoughts and creative projects while interacting with likeminded people, I find that some interactions and things I see in general leave me feeling a bit drained. I'm so glad that I started paying attention to how I've been feeling, and not only noticing, but doing something about it. I now know that I was set up early on to be able to withstand a lot of discomfort, but that doesn't mean that I have to continue down that path. I can simply choose a different way. I can choose myself.
I stole that line from my therapist. She often tells me to consider where I'm giving myself away--where my energy is being spent. Thinking of emotional energy in terms of currency exchange is actually quite helpful because it makes you consider not only what you're giving, but what you're getting back. Your time is an investment, so invest wisely. On that note, I've never been good with money. This makes so much sense to me now. It's a form of self sabotage. It's a way of keeping you stuck. Thankfully, I now realize that "stuckness" isn't real--it's not even a real word--it's a state of mind. It can feel very real and be frustrating, but opening your eyes and taking responsibility puts the power into your own hands. Now I am taking responsibility and owning that power by making necessary changes.
It's funny what happens when you allow yourself to see things for what they really are. Part of my struggle in life is due to being a truth-seeker. Stole that one from my therapist, too. The problem with being a truth-seeker is not your desire for answers and thirst for knowledge, it's that it makes you a pretty good bullshit detector, and the world is full of bullshit. But it's also full of a lot of other things, too, and you begin to notice those things more when you start turning your attention inward. Other things start happening as well. Things come to the surface that were buried, sometimes long ago, and while that can be painful it's also healthy and can be freeing.
I think we are often unaware of the dead weight we carry around. Regrets from our past, worries about the future. Those heavy bags that we don't have to take with us at all. But I do believe that in order to put those bags down for good, we need to unpack them. Have a look inside, get curious about each item, and once you understand what's there you can just pack that shit back up and send it on a plane destined for some far away land that you don't ever have to visit, if you don't want to. I didn't steal that from my therapist, that's my analogy. It just works for me and hopefully it works for you, too.
Now I will leave you, as I often do, with a smile and a song. This song actually inspired me to write this post. I was sitting outside, listening to Devin Townsend and watching the birds in the front yard. I closed my eyes towards the end of the song and the lyrics really got to me. I've heard this song dozens of times, but this time it all felt different. May Devy's words sink in for you the way they did for me.
Take good care, everyone.
May you learn to live without fear
May you be at peace
May your beauty unfold before you
But I am home
I'm finally doing it--pulling my insides out and splattering them around for all to see. Here we go!