Earlier today I picked up my new favourite glasses from the optometrist and I'm feeling good. I love my eye doctor and everyone who works at the office. They're so cool, and I always leave feeling happy and more confident than when I went in. This time, I discovered that these ladies are even cooler than I thought. As I was getting ready to leave, they started playing Biggie's "One More Chance/Stay With Me." I'm sure it was censored to some degree, but still. I hadn't heard that song in ages.
Afterwards, I decided to take my ass on a nature walk and plugged Biggie into the headphones, starting with that song. God, it's so good. That man was a pure genius. The opening lyrics always make me smile.
"First thing's first: I, Poppa, freaks all the honeys/Dummies, Playboy bunnies, those wanting money/Those the one's I like 'cause they don't get Nathan/But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation/Gar-bage, I turn like doorknobs/Heartthrob, never, black and ugly as ever."
That song gives me such good vibes, which made me wonder why I don't listen to it more often. I think it's partly because I tend to listen to Ready to Die (one of my favourite albums of all time) or Life After Death when I'm on my Biggie kicks, and the song isn't on either of those albums.
Sitting atop my perch, enjoying the view, I played the song on repeat. I like to do that sometimes. I'll play a song over and over if it makes me feel good or I'll revisit my favourite shows and movies. I'm currently plowing through a Fargo (the series) re-watch and loving the hell out of it. I'm even making connections I didn't make the first time. That's the best feeling for me--uncovering something new from a land once traveled. It's like when you catch a scent of something from the past, and while it takes you back, the actual feeling is something different. It's brand new.
That's kind of how I felt about that song. It's not like I discovered lyrics I was previously unaware of, but it was a feeling that I hadn't had before. It meant more. It got me thinking about giving other things another chance; things that used to make me feel good that I've strayed from. I do that sometimes. I'm sure I've written about it before, but it feels like an act of self-sabotage. Why deprive yourself of things that make you feel good? I suppose it's best not to question it too much, but rather take note of what those things are. Literally. Sometimes I forget, so I'm making a list. At the top: Biggie. Next up...sports. Yes, I know, I just wrote about taking a break from my flailing teams because I didn't think I could handle those crazy emotions, but I'm learning that I can. I can handle tough things. Also, I've decided to start wearing my Big Ben jersey again for each of the remaining Steelers games. I can't allow the craziness to let me forget how important this season is and how much I love Steelers football, even when they're down and out--even when I'm down and out. So I'll be repping the number 7 hard again. I've got to. It's who I am, and I can't lose sight of that. Here We Go!
As always, I will leave you with a smile and a song.
And If you don't know, now you know.
I'm finally doing it--pulling my insides out and splattering them around for all to see. Here we go!