In With The Old

Ah, the "old" filters. Jesus Christ, that's actually pretty scary. And I've seen a lot of horror movies. That reminds me, I kind of want to check out that Shyamalan movie OLD, mostly because there's a character named Mid-Sized Sedan, but I'm afraid that the rapid aging will send me into a panic. 

It seems like I've aged a lot over the past few years. Like it all happened at once. Maybe it didn't, though. Maybe I just started noticing. But there's a difference between noticing and caring, and I'm doing my best to not care. Because why bother worrying about something you can't control, right? And yet, if I'm being honest, it still scares me a little.

The alternative to aging is death, but then aging reminds us of death, doesn't it? Maybe that's the scary part. For some, perhaps, but I think it goes beyond that, especially for women.

The fact is that we love old men and we don't love old women. I mean, how many times have we heard people gush about how they would bone the hell out of Sean Connery when he was like 85? When was the last time you heard someone say the same about Julie Newmar? 

It's almost like women aren't allowed to get old. Like we're not worth talking about once we hit a certain age. I'm not sure what that age is exactly, but I'm quite sure the number's not that high. I think the idea of a woman getting old isn't appealing because her value is based on appearance. That's so sad because women are amazing. Also, I would still bone the hell out of Julie Newmar. Wanted to get that on record.

​Speaking of boning, the other day I watched The Witches of Eastwick, one of the horniest movies ever, and found myself very attracted to Jack Nicholson as Daryl Van Horne. I've been attracted to him in other roles, but never in this one...until now. I related to Cher's character, Alex, when she goes off about how repulsive he is, yet she finds herself drawn to him. This time, when he said "Use me, Alex. I can take it" it wasn't just funny, it was sexy. Between that and all the cock talk, I was super turned on by Daryl, even with the stupid ponytail. Even when he says things like "I always like a little pussy after lunch." Maybe it's the older man thing, but he was only about 50 in that role (not that much older than me). I'm catching up. That's got to be it. 

It makes sense. I think you reach a certain age where you don't typically find yourself as attracted to younger people. Well, I'm sure I don't speak for everyone, but that's how I feel. I can certainly appreciate that smooth twenty-something skin, especially when it's wearing a football uniform, but I pretty much think of them as kids, because looking back I know that's what I was at that age. Nothing wrong with it. I love people in their twenties, I just don't want to bone them anymore. 

Alright, let's drop the bone for a while because that's not why I'm writing this. I've just been thinking about how growing old seems to have negative connotations, when it's really not negative at all. We buy creams and serums that "diminish the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles" as though those things need to be banished. The funny thing is that none of that stuff magically makes you look younger. And that's fine. We have this obsession with looking young as though that's the standard. But we all get to be young. We've all experienced that, and some of you are still in it. And I'm not about to say something like, "enjoy it while you can," because I think you can enjoy every stage of life. Getting old doesn't have to be so serious. Sure, your body and mind begin to deteriorate and whatnot, but I'm not about to fall into the trap of allowing my stock to plummet with my tits.

I just thought of the lyrics to Outkast's "Growing Old."

Fat titties turn to teardrops as fat ass turns to flab
Sores that was open wounds eventually turn to scab
Trees bright and green turn yellow brown
Autumn called 'em, see all them leaves must fall down
Growing old

Love that song. 

Rather than ending with that one, which has a kind of sad energy, I'm going to share the title track, "ATLiens." The tone is exactly what I want to end on.

Now throw your hands in the ai-yer
And wave 'em like you just don't cay-er
And if you like fish and grits and all that pimp shit
Everybody let me hear you say O-Yea-yer.

That's the motto I choose to live by.​