Things Fall Apart

Yes, I put the daisy there, and before that, the dandelion.

The rat is long gone now as are my hopes of the Canucks ever winning a Stanley Cup. I actually just laughed, because it's funny how things change. When I wrote that last blog post it all seemed possible, and not because I was being a homer, but because the Canucks were objectively thought to be a very good team. Until they weren't. 

But this isn't about the Canucks, it's about life, yet I certainly see the parallels.  

Life is good until it isn't, and life sucks until it doesn't. Things fall apart. New foundations are built. And that's the truth. The wheel keeps turning, and I'm doing my best to hang on.

I cried after typing that, and I'm glad that I did because I've been sitting at rock bottom for so long holding it in, trying to appear to have it together, or hide. And I'm exhausted. 

Much of my life has shattered, some of it beyond repair. And at this point, rather than attempting to salvage what was, I'm ready to walk away from the wreckage. Not everything can be fixed, and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, but it sure ain't easy. But, hell, pimpin' ain't easy.

You didn't think I was going to be all serious, did you? I recently came across this image of Big Daddy Kane on my phone. It serves as a reminder not to take life too seriously, but also that Kane is hot.

While I can almost always find a reason to laugh, I'll be real with you. I'm scared. And given the circumstances, I should be. 

I need to find another job and a new place to live, and pretty much immediately, and I don't know what to do or where to go. I've lived here for 11 years, and for the most part have enjoyed it, so it's gonna be a big change. A tough one. So much has gone down here. Walking away will be hard, yet I will say that there's some excitement in the unknown. That's the part I'm trying to focus on. 

James has been gone since February, and the lady I've grown close to who lived downstairs moved out last month, so it's just me. Or I wish it were. But that's a story for another time. So I'm in a bit of a situation, and I knew this was coming for a while, but I didn't foresee how difficult it was going to be. And there's more than just that going on. Some of that stuff I will keep to myself, but there's been a lot of interference. Like, more than what we've seen in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and unfortunately I don't have the power to hand out suspensions. 

Naturally, this would circle back to hockey. The Habs play tonight and it's big time. They're facing elimination. I've got the Habs flag propped up in the window, and all I can do is cheer them on and hope for the best.

And that's about all I can do for myself right now, too. I've got to keep going. I've got to try. I've got to push through the pain. And as much as that inner warrior tells me to fight, there's a softer voice reminding me to slow down and go with the current. To let go of worry and trust. And if it keeps crumbling, then let it fall. If the Habs lose, let it be so. And if the Canucks...oh, fuck it. I'm over it.

That's all I've got for now. I'm going to go spend some time in nature to give myself the peace I deserve before the game starts and all hell breaks loose. 

Oh, and of course I'll leave you with a song. Actually, two, since it's been so long. They've been in heavy rotation lately, and I've been lucky enough to have seen both artists perform live. Such fond memories. Here's to more to come, for all of us. 

​Enjoy! And Go Habs Go!