I know, I know.
Wow guys, it has been a loooooong time since I last posted anything on here. Shit's getting mouldy!
Some of you may be wondering where I've been or what's going on, so here's the deal. I've kind of been hiding out in a dark place. Things have been really heavy. I actually didn't realize how long my depression had a hold on me until I started writing this post and noticed when I published the last one. This may well be the longest depressive episode I've ever grappled with, and I'm still trying to figure out what brought it on, and also how I managed to survive.
The more I think about the latter, the more I feel in my heart that, once again, animals have saved my life. Don't get me wrong, I have some wonderful people in my life who have been here supporting me, making me laugh and making sure my basic needs have been met. But there have been some times when I couldn't choke back the tears, when I truly felt that I couldn't go on, and those were the times when a creature would appear. I just started crying thinking about it, because it seemed to happen right on cue, like the animal kingdom has sensed my desperation and lack of hope and have been lending a hand (or paw). It's quite remarkable, really, and I am so incredibly grateful.
Recently, I was gifted a set of Animal Spirits Knowledge Cards, and I thought it would be cool to pull out the cards that represent the animals I've been accompanied by the most during this difficult time. You might think this is cheesy, but cheesiness is a big part of my character, so I'm gonna let it rip. I actually think this stuff is fascinating, especially the First Nations symbolism, so I am listing some excerpts from the knowledge cards below, as well as my experiences with the creatures. Side note: there is no rat card, and I would have included that one if there was, because I love rodents and have seen a few rats lately, which has made me happy. I don't see rodents as often as I would like to, but when I do I squeal like a mouse and get super excited. I've had around 20 pet mice over the years and have many fond memories of them.
Butterfly: transformation, joy, lightness, rebirth. Butterflies are everywhere in the summertime, so it's not like this is such an incredible thing to see, but it's the timing that's been special. Whether I've been sitting on my front porch in tears or wandering the neighbourhood bewildered, they have fluttered into view and taken my mind to a better place.
Heron: life, feminine energy, renewal. In ancient Egypt, the heron was the first transformer of the human soul after death. It was seen in flight over the fields when the Nile began to flood and is associated with fertility and renewal of life. The blue heron is fairly common around here, as they are water birds and I live on an island, but lately I've been seeing them in flight all over the place. I'll suddenly feel prompted to look up at the sky and I will see a heron. I don't know why, but it's been a special feeling. I used to feed a blue heron and I think of him often.
Rabbit: power, abundance, heroism, seasons, cycle of life. Many Native American rabbit myths tell of the hare returning the sun to the sky and restoring warmth. Bunnies have been bouncing in and out of view often during the past few months. I usually catch them in passing, just for a second, but in that short amount of time my heart is full of warmth and joy.
Crow: renewal, transformation, magic, abundance. A First Nations legend tells of a white crow that warns the buffalo every time hunters approach, leading to his own hunger. The hunters capture the crow and throw him into a fire, but he escapes, emerging blackened by the flames. Black becomes his permanent colour. Going forward, the crow knows to focus on himself and stop warning the buffalo. There are many crows in my neighbourhood. I talk to them often, and they are not afraid to talk back. I've always thought they were a special bird, and I feel comforted seeing them when I'm on my walks.
Spider: protection, aid, wisdom. Southwest Native American peoples associate the spider with a grandmother spirit who lives underground and rises from her realm to offer advice, particularly before a dangerous undertaking. My views on these fascinating creatures have changed drastically from my mortification and disgust to intrigue and respect (I'm still scared of the big ones, though). Some of you may already know that I have a pet spider of sorts who lives in my bedroom. His name is Sweetie Petey, and we get along. We give each other space, for the most part, and I say hello and goodnight to him regularly.
Cat: independence, magic, abundance. From divinity to witchcraft, cats have symbolized just about everything, and they have always had a special place in my heart. I grew up with cats (Rebel, Priscilla and Pebbles) and currently enjoy the company of my fur baby, Beans. She jumps up on my bed when I'm feeling alone and shows me love, when she's not biting my ankles. Along with Beans, the neighbourhood cats constantly pay me visits and continue to brighten my days.
Deer: instinctual energy, independence, regeneration. Graceful, swift and elusive, the deer symbolizes nature's powers that are not easily subdued. A deer is also a symbol that summons individuals to a calling or journey. In the legend of King Arthur, a deer leads Sir Gawain into the woods to begin his adventures (shout out to all the other English majors out there). It is no secret that I adore deer. I spend a great deal of time with them, lately more so than ever. They are so majestic and gentle and I always feel at ease when I'm close to them. In times of heartache and despair they have been around and I consider them to be like family.
Ok, that was kind of a lot there, but hopefully some of you enjoyed reading about animal symbolism and how these creatures can be a powerful source of comfort when needed most. I will leave you with this image of a beautiful buck I spent time with this morning. I now know him as Jeffery, and he's a good boy.
As I work on pulling myself from the muck, I'm going to write more and post more on this blog, so hopefully you'll be hearing from me soon.
Thanks for tuning in!
I'm finally doing it--pulling my insides out and splattering them around for all to see. Here we go!