As a child, I preferred playing alone, but if I was to play with others, my favourite game was "Hide and Seek."
I was really, really good at it. Sometimes, I thought that if I never came out, nobody would find me. I kinda liked that feeling. I kinda still do.
I remember peering at everyone as they called my name and wandered through the park or wherever we were playing. It made me laugh, seeing the confusion turn to panic, and then I'd feel guilty. I guess that's how I'm feeling right now.
Believe it or not, I've been writing almost every day. I just haven't bothered to share anything.
I've been peeking out from my hiding place, watching everyone go about things, and occasionally considering saying hello, or something to let people know that I'm still here. I suppose that I've been experiencing that feeling from childhood--not wanting to be found. Except, without that cheeky sense of excitement in seeing those I know not know where I am.
My goal when I started this blog was to write and publish a post every week. At first, it was going well. Better than expected, actually. But, lately, there's been a shift. I haven't felt motivated to share much, and have been much more comfortable sitting on the sidelines, not expecting to make the big plays.
Being a spectator has always been my thing, but I want to be more active. I do. Hiding certainly has its perks, and being alone is good, but I'd like to come out of hiding now, focus more on seeking. What I've learned during this roughly month-long period of hibernation is that, unless you're actually working on something, (a creative project, etc) or making an effort to change what isn't working, everything remains stagnant. Seems obvious, right? I guess, for me, it wasn't.
Anyhow, I would like to make a promise to post something every week from now on. Even if it's a few sentences. Even if it's just a picture with a caption. For those of you who still visit my page (and I know there are, surprisingly, many) you will continue to have something new to look at. Even if you cannot find me out there in the world, you will most certainly find me here.
I'm finally doing it--pulling my insides out and splattering them around for all to see. Here we go!